Peanuts, prawns and alien life forms

I have to admit that I've always been a bit ignorant about fertility and cycles and ovulation and stuff.  Aside from the medical shit (I work in Obs and Gynae field and know all the scientific side, sort of) I'm not the sort of lady who knows when she's ovulating or has insider knowledge on cervical mucus and basal body temperature tracking so I thought I'd better gen up and get down with it.

So after rootling through all the crap on the interweb (lots of sites saying "If you buy this book/take these pills/send us all your money we'll get you preggers") I found a superflusion of information on fertility/infertility and WAYS TO GET PREGNANT FAST!  Thought I'd put it all together in a blog post to avoid me having to rootle again.  Here's my version of a ten point plan to get pregnant.

1.  The first thing that caught my eye, being lazy and a gadget loving gal, was this The Clearblue Fertility Monitor.  Was this the gadget that Boots said they'd do a money back promise if you used it and didn't conceive?  Anyway, it looks a bit complicated but has some good reviews and basically monitors your hormone levels which can only be a good thing.  It's a tad expensive (£104 at Boots but £60something squids at Amazon uk) but I sort of like the idea of using something scientific and boastful.  Looks like a lot of women who've been trying to conceive have done so using this.  Well, that and their other halves contribution obvs.  
Conversely, you can also track your BBT and cervical mucus (this is where it gets a bit gross.)  Your BBT or Basal Body Temperature rises at ovulation, so you can get an idea of when you're ovulating, as it's not always day 14...depends on your cycle and shit.  Cervical mucus changes throughout your cycle (er, dry, sticky rice or egg whites...I'll never look at Thai and raw egg whites in the same way again) and if you really want to see piccers of the different cervical mucii? mucuses? mucususees? in all their dry sticky rice egg whites glory you can see that here
Right.  So knowing your cycle and your bodily secretions is a GOOD THING.

2.  Have lots of sex.  Obvs.  At least 3 times a week to cover all bases.  And missionary position is allegedly the best way to go.  Hurrah for that.  It's a lazy gal's favourite.

3.  Have sex lots a few days before you ovulate.  Then the little spermies are hanging around chilling when the egg comes down the chute.  Otherwise if you wait till you're ovulating you have a narrower window of opportunity.  And we all love a good big window of opportunity don't we?

4.  Give up smoking.  Oh.  Well, that goes without saying and also drinking alcohol and caffeine.  Blimey.  That's 50% of my diet.

5.  Eat lots of yams.  Yes, yams!  Who'd have thought?  
Yams are a food that seems to promote and stimulate ovulation, so it’s worth a try to eat lots of yams if you want to know how to get pregnant fast with twins. This study was confirmed by the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs.
I know it says twins but it was the promotion and stimulation of ovulation that caught my eye.

6.  Eat dairy.  Again this is associated with the twin thing but as a massive cheese and milk lover this is grand news.  Some guy did some kind of study with women who ate 5 portions a day of dairy.  That's good enough for me.

7.  Don't think about getting pregnant.  Good advice since worrying about stuff leads to stress and stress leads to all kinds of problems, yes?  

8.  Take your folic acid.  Before you try to conceive.  'Tis full of goodness and not only helps with conception but also less likelihood of babe developing in a less than healthy manner.  I could go on about neural tube defects and whatnot but I won't.

9.  Be healthy.  At your ideal weight or a bit higher.  Eat well.  Give up all the lovelies mentioned in point 4.  Despair.  Eat lots of dairy.  Feel a bit better again.

10. I like this one.  Don't get up immediately after sex.  Have a little rest and tilt up your pelvis (the old put a cushion under your bum is a goodie, apparently.  This always reminds me of Peep Show :).)  Don't give the spermies chance to fall out.

11.  HAVE LOTS OF SEX.  Did I mention that?  Bonus point.

If you do all this, according to the mighty interwebs, you'll get caught.  Wicked.

Not that I'm planning on getting preggers just yet but it's good to have a plan eh?  A friend of mine is 12 weeks after trying for AGES and I'm so pleased for her.  I must ask her if she's partial to yams.  

Tra a bit! 

Age ain't nothin' but a number...

Forgot to share this with y'all!  Here's my 40th birthday bash invites, designed by my very own self.  I'm rather proud.

 

Thrills, pills and bellyaches

So, I didn't get to see the surgeon on the 9th, my appointment was moved to the 23rd.  Little bit irritating, especially as I have to sort cover for work then have to rearrange it all, which is a ball-ache, but I understand that (sadly) there are women AND men being diagnosed all the time and new patients should come first...am still impatient to get the ball rolling though.  The "boob" is fine and dandy, no pain and only slight discomfort if I overdo things.  Looking forward to having an op date though and planning what size I'm going to be (vacuous I know)...I feel like once the op's done that's the close of another chapter in the cancer book and I can get on with life as we know it.  Am hoping that it's sooner rather than later.  Hit the big 4-0 in October and would be a real "life begins..." if I was post op by then.  Here's hoping!

Have been a bit worried of late as I've been so tired and under the weather and have lost some weight - despite going back to my bad diet and serious lack of exercise (I'm so crap.)  I know that's probably contributing but I've been so exhausted I've been falling asleep almost as soon as I get home from work and napping in the afternoon at weekends.  Not having any pain anywhere but I think because of the cancer cloud there's always a little bit of my brain that's going to worry that it's back or there's been some kind of metastatic spread.  Had my breast clinic appointment (now 12 monthly - woo!) and everything seemed fine there...but...I don't know.  My symptoms seemed to fit in with early pregnancy but then I started a period yesterday so although I was relieved as it's not perfect timing (want to get op out the way and financials sorted first) I was also a wee bit...disappointed?  Yes, disappointed.  I'm now part-time, 30 hours a week, so I shouldn't be feeling more tired that I was when I was full time and doing stupid shifts, should I?  I guess I'll see how things go and see my GP if I don't improve in another couple of weeks.  Sigh.  Speaking of periods.  It's great that they've come back so quickly and that means I'm still fertile but the raging PMT and the cramps and the heavy bleeding...WTF?!  I haven't missed that one bit.  I hate feeling so angry and irrational that even Mr F asking for bread and butter to go with the nice meal I'd just prepared sets me off on one.  That incident will forever be referred to as Breadgate. This weekend has just been a mash of headaches, tummy aches and wavering between bursting into tears over ridiculous things and punching someone.  Anyone will do.  Maybe it's just as well Mr F's gone to work :).  
So it's just me, evil kitty, gentle giant and our puppy lodger!  My brother's pup's been staying with us for a couple of weeks.  He's adorable but it's like having an overexcitable child in the house.  No wonder I'm so tired.

We've put the little house on the market but no interest so far.  Please someone buy our house!  I'm sick of the pub carpets and dingy wallpaper and can't wait to get cracking with doing the house up we're actually living in.  And obvs being able to pay our ever mounting debts off would be amazeballs.  Probably not the best time to ditch hours at work and now the tenants are moving out next week that's the rent gone...bloody hell.  Best get that recipe out for bugger all stew.

I've just worked out that if I give up smoking (what?  You thought I'd done that already?  Er...no) I will save about £180 a month.  That should be motivation enough...

And did you know that women in their late thirties and forties have a 1 in 5 chance of conceiving twins?  I need to stop interwebbing and do some washing.

Love to y'all!